Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Children are a blessing... at least, God says they are...

"Just one night a month, I have to get away from my kid. I don't care if other kids are there at the get-together or not. I don't have to take care of other kids. I just have to get away from my kid one night a month."

No, this is NOT a made up quote. I actually heard this out of the mouth of a new mother today. Her sweet baby girl is only 3 months old and already she just has to get away from her.

Am I the only one that has a problem with this? Does anyone else see this as selfish??? If children are truly a gift from the Lord (and He says they are in Psalm 127:3), then why do so many mothers today get tired of that gift?

It just broke my heart this afternoon to hear this. Just yesterday, Joshua was 10 years old and he will be 21 next month. Just yesterday, Elizabeth was a tiny little 9 1/2 month old who could do nothing for herself and today she is 2 1/2 and thinks she can do EVERYTHING all on her own. Children are young only once and only for such a short period of time. Mothers, do not let that time slip by. Surely you can set yourself and your desires to the side for a few years.

New mothers- Yes, it can be very hard adjusting to life with a new little one. May I encourage you to find a godly, older mother who has already raised a few children? Seek her out and ask her advice. Share your heart with her. Cry if you need to. She will understand and help you put things into perspective and she'll be able to give you invaluable advice.

Older mothers- Please be aware of the new mothers around you. Just because your children aren't babies anymore, it doesn't mean that you are finished with that age. The Lord has given you wisdom to share with the new mothers. Wisdom that only time and experience can teach. The new mothers might not want new advice at first, but stick around- they will be SO happy that you are close by for advice and help!!!


mommy24treasures said...

oh I so understand this post! You know once I was out and someone was talking about how thankful they were for their mothers day out each week and saying it in a tacky way as this was said and I prayed about it and was just asking the Lord if I was having a wrong attitude about not leaving the Treasures very often at all, and He said well I never get a day out or a night off! I am your parent 24/7. I decided then if He could handle it I could too! And I do it with a gracious attitude thanking Him for the honor!

Anonymous said...

Your post made me cry, I hear moms talk like this all the time. My babies well they are not so much babies anymore are with me day and night. We have lived here in this neighborhood for 10 years and our house is where all the children come. Here is where we have a little girls club we started. I always feel so bad for the children, they never want to be home and their parents are happy to have them somewhere else. I have cried many nights over these children. I enjoy every single second with my girls. I do know they are a gift. A precious Precious Gift :)
have a Happy Day

Anonymous said...

Mrs. U.,

I've followed your blog since I first saw your comments on RQ. It's been refreshing to read encouraging, Christian comments where often times the comments regarding adoption aren't so encouraging. (By the way, Elizabeth is just beautiful.) My husband and I are currently in the long line to adopt from China, but we also have an 8 and a 10 year. My daughter who is now 10unfortunately suffered from colic as an infant. It started when she was around 5 weeks old and it lasted for about 3 1/2 months. If you have never experienced a baby with colic, it's extremely upsetting for you as a mother and for the whole family - they cry hysterically for hours on end at times and nothing soothes them. It makes you feel extremely inadequate as a mother when you can't soothe your child. So my comment is this - we may not always know what possesses a mom to say these things about their kids. But sometimes, as in my case where my daughter screamed uncontrollably at some point everyday for 3 1/2 months, a mom does need some time away for rest or relief and refreshment. Children are a blessing, but there might be extenuating circumstances that we are not always aware of that cause us or others to say such things. All I'm saying is, let's not judge others comments that may sound very harsh on the surface, when in fact there could be much more to the story. Of course, if you know the whole story or there is no story, then ignore my comment!

Jen said...

Hmmm...I can see both sides of this isuue, having been on both sides myself. I would have to say though, that after mothering four, I can look back and see that the times when I felt most desperate for time away from my children were always the times when I was in desperate need for more intimate time with the Lord. My perspective needed to be changed and I needed renewal. Somewhere inside, the Holy Spirit was drawing me and I had to be careful not to take that sense of needing to be alone with the Lord and make it into a need to be away from my children.
Children are a gift from God in all possible ways, but like each of His gifts, we have to learn how to properly receive them and appreciate them. Often that requires more intimacy with the Father.
So, maybe the lesson is that when we hear other mothers speaking out about needing "time off," we should, at the very least, pray for their walk with the Lord, and when possible offer encouragement and help. Maybe an afternoon of childcare so they can hang out in their prayer closet or study the Word...
Just my humble thoughts...

Anonymous said...

Mrs. U,

I completely agree that it's heartbreaking. But it's not shocking. Most mommies, especially after their first baby, are so tired. They could be feeling the weight of selfishness that marriage alone could not show them. They have feelings that they don't know what to do with and less time to make sense of them.

The good thing is this: that mom felt comfortable enough to be honest about her feelings. She was looking for community in her sentiments. She won't find that community with you and that's as it should be. I hope she will find women who will love her and care for her soul -- as fellow sinners whose hope is in Jesus alone. I am so grateful you mentioned this young lady. I will pray for her because I can identify with her.

Sanctification is a process. Thank God that He gives us the gift of children and works out our sanctification through someones so wonderful!


Anonymous said...

Hi....I am a mother of 8 children. I stayed home 24/7 with them since they were babies. They are all growing up now and making their own lives. NOT ONCE...did I ever want to be free of my babies. I was there when they had measles, strep throat, whooping cough, colds, flu, upset stomachs, cuts and bruises. I was there for them. I get so upset when I hear young mothers make comments about their children in a negative way. In the city here they have a program for young mothers where the mothers can take their children to daycare while the mothers go and do what they want. I never had that. Even if it was offered to me I wouldn't have taken up on the offer. My children never had a babysitter or daycare. Just me and my husband. And alot of these girls are into drugs and alcohol or running around. Really. They are doing that. I am totally against this program. If you have children you should stay home and look after them and not pass them off to someone else because you don't feel like looking after your own children. Sadly, thats how these little babies and children grow up.
I'm thankful to my Lord and Saviour that HE has blessed me with a wonderful husband and 8 wonderful children.

Unknown said...

I so love being Marcus' mom and yes, he's a blessing every minute of the day!
We almost lost him and I couldn't carry anymore children. My husband and I believe that he's our blessing from the Lord. My mom used to say that he was kissed by an angel on the day he was born.

50s Housewife said...

This is so sad, and unfortunately not uncommon. I really wonder if in some circles of women it's the way they relate to one another...complaining about husbands and children.

I've heard mothers say things like this in front of their children who are old enough to understand. I can't imagine what that must do to a child to hear that his mother HAS to get away from him or that she "can't wait" until he is grown up and leaves home.

Anonymous said...

I'm a reader, visitor occasionally here.

I hear this often. My oldest is 25 and my youngest 7, I never felt like this , so I can't "relate"

I have difficulty understanding, but unless we live in their shoes/ lives then we can't really relate or get a handle on why.

Anonymous said...

I know this is an older post, but I just found you and this really struck me. I am a fairly young mom of two little ones under the age of three (pretty common I know) but often times the mentor I seek is not my Mom or my Mum, as they encourage my husband and me to leave the kids in order to have a date night. Now, after three years of their "encouragement" we are feeling the itch. Let me also add that after our son joined the family we attened church even though it was tough with a baby. After making no connections and a second baby we do not attend church any more. This is very odd for us as we have been very involved in the body of Christ for as long as I can remember. Now, due to children and church having their drop spots for kids, we aren't going. There was probably a lot contributing to this moms "desire" to be away from her baby. I am typing this pretty quick, please know that I am not fired up at you rather at our society because everyone is so stinking busy that all we have to turn to in most cases is others in their 'seem to be' sinking canoos. Women working outside the home has not been a helpful move to fallowing generations, in my oppinion of corse.
Wow! Sorry, but this one hit a core deep within and yet sitting right on the edge. Thank you for making the time to read my belated comment and feelings on this topic. I agree with you that babies are a blessing (children altogether are blessings from God) but how do you find other ladies that are open about that same truth and still have time to mentor you in your walk as a mommy and a wife?
Harvest blessings.-me-(Mommy of two little blessings)
come by and share your thoughts too please. *smile*

Anonymous said...

Didn't Jesus find solitude in different times in his minsitry? The Bible says that he did from time to time. He saw us as treasures- even died for us. Shouldn't mom's take after His expample and find occasional solitude? I'm finding these comments quite judgmental and even a bit self-righteous. Come one ladies! These moms love their children, and part of loving them and learning to take time out and fill up theirs cups so that they can over flow into these children's lives. Let's give some of these mom's some grace and not judge their hearts! Who are you to know the hearts of these women? Only God knows!

Susan said...

I'm much in agreement with you about this, Mrs U! I can't criticize those women because often they were raised with this mentality, and don't know any better. And, esp when you're a homeschooling, SAHM, the 24/7 job can be a very exhausting one. But like you say, it's a matter of perspective. Children are a blessing, a reward, and a gift from the Lord. When we understand this, we will want to treasure every bit of time with them we can get, and really enjoy being with them! Children know when you do or don't take delight in them.


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