Thursday, November 13, 2008

Have you always loved to and wanted to stay at home?

In the comments of the post "Staying Home is Not a Waste of Time if You Don't Waste it", this question was asked by Exhausted SAH Mom...


I just have to ask whether the owner of this site and those who post here have always felt this love toward staying home and homemaking.

I have to admit that this was not what I had planned for my life and I do not always deal well with it.

Where I live, people do not drop by, ever. It's hard to get someone to come over by invitation. Everyone is so busy that they have no time, even within the Christian homeschool group I am in.

I would love to find someone to talk to. I need to move from being here because I have to be (long story) to where I am at least content with being here at home.


Dear wife and mother!! If there were a way for me to come and sit down with you and talk for a while, I definitely would!! I am definitely sending (((((hugs))))) your way as I am writing this.

My entire life, all I ever wanted to be was a wife, mother and teacher- a homemaker. Marrying my husband and adopting his children made me an instant wife and mother!! Then the Lord led us to homeschool and I was a teacher! The Lord definitely blessed me!!

The main reason that I wanted to be a homemaker was because I grew up watching my mother as a homemaker. If you were to sit down with her today and ask her what she did to become such a wonderful homemaker, she would probably laugh and say that she was far from that description. I saw differently, however. I saw a lady that loved her husband and loved her children. I saw a lady that chose to be with us instead of doing her own thing. She chose to serve our family and she had JOY when she did it!! When the Lord saved me when I was in college, He gave me an ever stronger desire to love and nuture my future family. Today, I am blessed to be able to do just that.

You mentioned that no one drops by and that you have no one to talk to. Please know that what I am saying is NOT meant to be cruel, but are you approachable? What does the countenance on your face look like to others? Do you look unhappy? If the answer to any of these is yes, may I suggest that you put on a friendly face the next time you are headed to your Christian homeschool group? Perhaps that would help draw new friends to you (or I could be FAR off.. .if so, please forgive me.).

You also mentioned that staying home is not something that you always planned for your life, that you don't always deal with it well, and that you "have" to be home. It seems as if you see yourself as "stuck" in this situation. If you are a Christian, please pray and ask the Lord to help change your attitude in this area. You are only as "stuck" as you decide to be. The Lord has given you children and He has you at home for His glory- not for your happiness. BUT when you pour your heart out to the Lord and lean on His understanding, He will make His desires YOUR desires as well!! His ways and His thoughts are SO much higher than ours!

Again, dear friend, I could be SO far off with my words here. I do wish I knew more of your situation. But what I DO know is that the Lord knows all about it. I definitely pray that He will give you wisdom and peace in this area.

Dear readers, please feel free to share advice and wisdom with this mother. Perhaps some of you have been in a similar situation? Perhaps some of you have friends or family that the Lord has given them joy to be at home? Please share as the Lord gives His you wisdom about this.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi!

I just wanted to mention that Revive Our Hearts radio program is currently doing a series on "God's Beautiful Design for Women". The last few days have been about the importance of staying at home and how the home reflects the Gospel and the heart of God. The series is nearing its end, but you can listen to all the sessions at www.reviveourhearts.com.

I am not a wife or a mother...yet :). For those of you who are, you are GREATLY blessed!

Leslie

Anonymous said...

Dear SAH Mommy,

Please read this like it's coming from a sweet Granny. :) I am a fellow sinner bought by Christ.

Thanks so much for being honest about your situation. The one thing I thought about was this: pray for a good friend. Pray for someone who loves Jesus, who will love you and think the best of you but, will also not be afraid to challenge you.

Are you asking Him for this? Or, are you pursuing it on your own?

Community is so important. Community works best when there is personal communion with Christ. If I may: I like The Knowledge of The Holy (Tozer) for studying the attributes of God -- that we might think rightly of Him.

To encourage you: Laying down your desires and life are what God modeled for us through Christ. Don't be deceived, dying to our own desires does not actually lead to a death. It's a death unto life. No identity will give you the life that Christ desires for you if that identity is the end. Identity will always fail you if it's not rooted in Christ-- even if it's being a stay-at-home mom. Repent and believe that God's design for you is a way better idea than your ideas. He will make your desires new. I can tell you want this and I rejoice at His work in your life!

I do homeschool and stay home with my kids and I have always wanted to. However, my heart wanders into doing what I want to do even while I am home. I have to repent and trust all the time. I am worse than I think but, I am far more expensively loved than I can imagine.

Leigh

Jen said...

My advice would be to reach out to a mother at your church who displays the sort of attributes the Bible speaks of concerning wives and mothers (see Prov. 31 and Ephesians). Ask her if she would be willing to meet with you occasionally and just pray through some of your struggles.
And remember, we aren't supposed to be cookie cutter wives and moms! I love to cook, but can't sew a stitch. I love to play with my kids and read to them, but homeschooling isn't my favorite part of the day. God has given you exactly the right gifts to be exactly the right sort of wife and mama to your husband and children.

Mrs. Homemaker said...

Being a military brat and then a military spouse, we move often. I have learned over the years that I have to put myself out there first. It is hard, but I have to show that I am willing and open to making new friends.

Starting conversations with mothers at your church is usually the easiest route. You will already have something in common with those mothers. I made a random comment in the hair coloring aisle in a store once, and ended up going to lunch with her several times and had a blast.

It is all up to you. There may be several people that you already know that want to be friends and socialize and hang out, but don't know how to approach you or how you would react. Be friendly with all, and friends will come to you.

Good luck, SAH Mom!

Farrah said...

No, to be honest. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would ever be a SAHM. All of my life I was very career driven. I was supposed to be a journalist for a fashion magazine in Europe, at least that was the plan when I left for college. My sophomore year i became pregnant and within months I was a mother to 3 (2 step). So, I stayed home for a year and was miserable. I lived in a strange town, to a husband whom worked many hours, and had a baby that did nothing. I went to Walmart daily just to get out and about. I went for walks in the country and listened to my cd player. After a year I went back to college and left my son with a babysitter. I told myself it's so I can better myself and be a better parent to Bryson. When Bryson was 5 I had an ankle surgery and was forced home. Without an income coming in I had to keep him home. So, I began homeschooling him and have stayed home ever since-he's now almost 11. It was hard at first because I was letting my hard working, career family by raising my son. Now, Bryson is so secure that it has made it all worth it. He's in school now, but I'm at home working for my husband. When the boys get home from school they know that I will have a snack waiting for them and my time is theirs.
Look for grandmothers in your community to help you. I found 2 in 2 towns we lived in who helped me to learn to cook, fold sheets, and mentor me. MarmeeDear has some great suggestions.
Sounds to me though that you need to find peace within yourself. And, just get out! Be happy and your happiness will bring others to you.
Good luck!
Sorry Mrs. U for chattering on so much.

Mrs. Pear said...

I LOVE staying home to care for our family. It is not what I had planned, but am so grateful that this is what God planned.

I can completely understand the loneliness factor. Where we live the phrase "stay-at-home mom" is an oxymoron. Moms are never home, they are shlepping their kids to the millions of activities they are signed up for! And even with all that was going on in our house with our daughter's arrival, our other daughter's cardiology news, and our youngest's trip to the hospital our phone really only rang when someone was calling about dropping off a meal, unless it is family. Keeping in mind that we mailed over 60 birth announcements to our friends!

People are so busy around here that friendships sometimes feel almost impossible. Invitations are extended but there are always reasons it does not work out. Sometimes doing what the Lord asks is really hard, but always worth it.

So my only advice is to assure this sweet lady that she is indeed not the only one in this situation. All I can recommend is to just keep praying and trying.

Rona's Home Page said...

It truly loved my four years at home. It was a great honor and priviledge. I miss it terribly.
I found that I was extremely busy with friends, home, church, and of course family.
I never felt that I wasn't important and what I did wasn't appreciated. Our son and husband thanked me many times.

Exhausted SAHM said...

I wanted to thank all of you for your encouragement. Perhaps all of you could just keep me in your prayers.

Without getting too specific, my life involves my own constant battle against illness, dealing with a special needs child, special diets, and a husband with medical problems. No family or friends who can help. It's tough and I am alone. Every day is a struggle it seems.

I do keep positive outlook as best I can.

Anonymous said...

ESAHM,

Thank you so much for further information. I will pray for you! God bless you as you serve your family!

Leigh

Charree said...

ESAHM -

I will be praying for you and your family, that God will bring fulfillment and contentment to your life. I recently finished up the book Youniquely Woman, by Kay Arthur and Donna Otto. I found it very encouraging because it encourages you in your role as a homemaker.

God bless!
~Charree

Wife of Rob said...

Psalm 37:3-5

3 Trust in the LORD, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. 4 Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.

I pray that you will trust, delight and commit. God will honor those three things in your life and will return them in abundance to you if you are faithful to do them.

Deb said...

Please someone talk to me. I am a 52 year old woman who just recently remarries after a terrible divorce. I was single for nearly 7 years and God sent me a truly godly man. We love each other very much and share the love of God.

I work on a military base as a secretary, but what I want to do is be a stay a home wife. I was never able to have children, and I always wanted them and the picket fence syndrome. My husband has two Godly sons who are married with their families.

I have been talking to my husband for some time letting him know my feelings about wanting to stay home. He wanted me to work at least another two years to try and pay off the house.

He came to me last Saturday and told me if we keep to a strict budget I could stay home. He would like me to stay home, but I can tell that he is a little nervous about the finances. The only thing we owe is the house, but we need to do some work on the house bad.

My question is am I being selfish for wanting to be a stay at home wife and is it wrong for me. Will God help with the finances?

I thought that I would have more time to spend with my heavenlyfather if I stayed home. I don't know I just don't want to be a burden to my husband.

Please pray for me and give me some guidance.

deb

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